Everywhere but nowhere...........................

The Road Less Traveled

2007-09-25T21:30:00.000+08:00

There are a few books which i had to relentlessly read a couple of times, as they hold so much, i refuse to let it go before i consider the content thoroughly explored and sank into.One of them is The Road Less Traveled by the late M.Scott Peck (1936-2005), which was justly the New York Times bestseller.

I was just browsing the shelves of a bookstore in KLIA, and the title of this book caught my attention sufficiently enough to plunk it into my nav bag.And that was quite a while now, and recently i reread it again when i got back from Rome.It was an enriching read, even for the second time.

Through his vast experience of being a well honoured psychiatrist (and let me also add a magna cum laude from Harvard), he has carefully observed his patients throughout his career and therefore was in a position that enables him to understand the deepest core of human development that is often unseen, namely the realm of psychology and spirituality( as in betterment of self and not Godliness/religion).I totally agree with him on the dire need for all of us to further understand ourselves in these two realms.A recent incident in which a late colleague of mine resulted to ending his own life has displayed the fact that unresolved conflict within ourselves can cause us to take the easy way out.Or at least easy for our strangely conflicting thoughts.And strangeness are often the result of lacking in understanding.The thing is that with our thoughts, it can be an extremely unfamiliar territory, and this has led to the birth of psychiatry and psychology.

Read it.

He

2007-06-12T00:19:00.000+08:00

She stood there, oblivious to the crowd passing by her.It was appropriate to weep, she thinks, but her tears was very much refrained.It was not done consciously, but with every reasoning she has in herself, she realised she never really knew him.

She shifts her sight alternatively between the wooden frame cercueil and his face, which is lacking in colour and emotion.He's no longer what he was,and that sight of him at rest seems almost unfamilliar to her.Cold and almost intangible.

And then her mind seemed wholly taken by the reminiscence of the past.

That even though all must have a designer, but he, just exist.

That his truth is too great for her.And hence the crux is not reasoning, but love.

That all that is good is done for his glory, and if otherwise, so that his love is displayed.

That what her forefather has done, is cursed, and she, also, as a consequence.

That she is cursed if she know not him, even if she lives piously.

That his anger, which was evidently brute to her, was love.

That he loves so much of this world, that his one and only son, was begotten.

That he was personal, there, listening, responding to her.

That he was three, but one.And three.

That those who have not seen, and believed, are blessed.

And then she looked at him again.He was there no more.

Before sunset

2007-06-04T21:56:00.000+08:00

me : "et la cle?"
réceptioniste : " Oui..voila la cle..eeh voo sah lehvu oh shaw dui?"
m : "uhh..non fransay..en angleh see voo pleh???"
r : "oh sorry..you go out?today?"
m : "oh yes..maybe..i sleep...and i wake..tuwher effeh..maybe"
r : "first time?eiffel tower?"
m : "oh non non...i've been there.sesst parfait..beautiful.."
r : "ok..metro..airport....bin hakeim stop"
m : "oui oui.. merci bouku..i have to go...ohr-vhawh!!"

13 hours at 900km/h. I need sleep.

And so i woke.Doesn't feel right coming all the way here and not get out.Like always, the first step was difficult:leaving the bed and look proper.

Almost an hour of swapping metro trains, and i was there.Again.And it almost is a ritual, i had to look for it.

CREPES.I love you darling.Zhuh temm.Always.

Its my faithful companion for the walk.There's none like the ones made by parisians.Honestly, i don't even know what it is that makes it so darn good..some flour..cheese..ham...egg...i can almost do it myself.Couple of euros and that makes my lunch.

And just like it did a few months back.. that huge tower still smells of mystique, its quite funny actually.Architecturally it is not a marvel by any standard.Metal pieces bolted together.Or riveted.Whatever.A local once told me that there was a novelist who was known to have his lunch in the restaurant in the tower almost everyday, and when asked why, said it was the only place in Paris where you CAN'T actually see the tower.It was an eyesore to many of the parisians, and some challenged it to be torn down.

Yet as i walked, i cant help but to wonder how is it that it is associated with romantic tendencies.But somehow that reputation found its way to millions worldwide, parisians or non parisians alike.Man and women marvel at its structure, like i said i dunno y, but yeah, there is some sort of love element in its existence itself that goes beyond understanding.

Love is to have lost and found, and then its like a moment of epiphany, i understood what it is.

Its like a focal point on earth, where all the love in this world that is to have lost and found,regardless of its form , converge on this very location:

48º 51' 32" North,002º 17' 45" East .

And that is exactly where eiffel tower is erected.With all the energy that is generated by love itself, it has found its way to a specific point on earth where it can inhabit, and in its purest form, like how it was originally intended, can remain unharmed by, u know, us human.And right there, at that specific point, is where only purposeful living can exist for real.And that form of energy in itself is unable to leave that focal point, understandably,because well, its the only point where it finds solace.

And as if my spirit starts to pour more truth even as i was walking, it becomes evident to me that that peculiar energy will try every soul that visits Eiffel Tower,and in due process, will only leave with its seeker if it genuinely ascertains that such soul is worth inhabiting.

From that moment i understood why.

p/s: je suis ainsi complètement de merde, je sais. (fransay)
i'm so full of shit, i know. (english)

2006-08-19T14:57:00.000+08:00

Atheist
n A person to be pitied in that he is unable to believe things for which there is no evidence, and who has thus deprived himself of a convenient means of feeling superior to others.
—Chaz Bufe, The American Heretic’s Dictionary

Borneo

2006-01-08T20:45:00.000+08:00

First posting from an unfamilliar keyboard. No time change,here i am on the second day of my 5days borneo run, very much at home with negligible time change from home.Maintaining 8 hours ahead of the greenwich meridian, and a few longitute to the east of home only brings the sun up earlier in the morn, with the rest of the tropical element remaining unchanged.

To the unfamiliar,Borneo, being the third largest island in the world, is of the western Pacific Ocean in the Malay Archipelago between the Sulu and Java seas.The sultanate of Brunei is on the northwest coast; the rest of the island is divided between Indonesia and Malaysia.

Ok...geography aside...

Tonite is very well..a notin to do nite..the rest are basically to worn out for any actions.And thence...me and this darn blog.Its me in the business lounge at the Parkcity Royal in Miri ,figuring hard what the hell there is to blog.And well..plagiarism is just splendid for times like this.This would be a cut and paste art on something which i find rather familliar, and well, may just prove educational to you sorry arse out there.Help yourselves.
===========================================================================
QUOTE

What Women Say & What They Really Mean

1)She says: "I don't want to ruin our friendship."What she means: I am not attracted to you, or I don't feel enough chemistry to date you -- but I do like you as friend.
Why she does this: She probably does want to remain friends, but doesn't want to hurt your feelings by admitting that she doesn't feel the same attraction for you.
What you should do: Don't take it personally; she just doesn't feel the same chemistry as you do. Take the hint and work on being friends with her, if that's what you want.

2)She says: "I'm just so busy with work right now." What she means: I am not interested in fitting you into my schedule.
Why she does this: She wants to let you down easy. Instead of being blunt, she is hoping you'll just get the picture.
What you should do: When a woman likes a man, she will always find time for him -- no matter what her schedule is like. So don't kid yourself into thinking that the situation might change. Instead, move on right away.
She says: "Are you seeing anyone right now?" What she means: I might like to submit an application for the position of your girlfriend.
Why she does this: She wants to make sure she is not wasting her precious flirting energy man who is already spoken for.
What you should do: Answer honestly, and then hit her up for her phone number.

3)She says: "Do you really want to go to that restaurant/movie/dinner party?" What she means: I really don't want to go to.
Why she does this: She doesn't want to go, but she doesn't want to appear stubborn either. She is probably hoping you'll sense her hesitation and come up with an alternate plan that pleases her.
What you should do: If you have your heart set on going to that particular destination, stick to your guns. Otherwise, you might want to switch up in order to please her. Remember this: If you keep her happy, she'll keep you happy.

She says: "You have a knack for dealing with kids. They really seem to respond to you." What she means: I am contemplating eventually having children with you and am wondering where you stand in that department.
Why she does this: An indirect question is her way of feeling you out without freaking you out.
What you should do: Don't freak out. She is probably thinking very distantly into the future.however, you absolutely positively know that you never want kids, this would be a good time to say it.

4)She says: "Where is this relationship going?" What she means: I would like us to graduate to a more serious, exclusive relationship.
hy she does this: She wants you to be the one to suggest exclusivity.
What you should do: This depends on whether or not you actually want exclusivity. If so, suggest it. If not, let her know that you care about her, but are not interested in being exclusive right now.

5)She says: "I feel so close to you right now. You know me so well." What she means: I am starting to feel the l-word, but I don't want to be the first to say it.
Why she does this: It's a scary thing to be the first to say "I love you." It's much easier for her to hint and hope that you'll take the plunge first.
What you should do: Do not -- under any circumstances -- say the l-word if you don't mean it. If you do feel it, then go ahead; otherwise, don't say anything. In the long run, you'll be happy not to get entangled in such a lie.

6)She says: "I feel like our relationship is stuck in a routine right now." What she means: I want you to be more romanticand spontaneous, and surprise me more. I need you to pay more attention to my needs.
Why she does this: She doesn't want to hurt your feelings and admit that you are, in part, the cause of the rut.
u should do: You don't need to change your personality entirely, but it wouldn't kill you to surprise her every once in a while. Call her out of the blue and tell her you're taking her for dinner on a spontaneous weekend away, or just surprise her with her favorite chocolates.

7)She says: "Do you get along well with your mother?" What she means: Are you a family man?
Why she does this: A man who gets along with his mother tends to be more loyal, sensitive and devoted -- at least that's the stereotype that a lot of women buy.
you should do: Talk about how close you and your mother are; you could even tell a stories. Just enough to affirm that yes, you get along with her.

UNQUOTE
============================================================================
With regards to the original author, i dedicate such astounding breakthrough in modern day science, and such delicate task of deciphering the ambiguos language of women.(to those uninformed, 'women' shares a common origin and ancestral form with the tribal Qu of Ranai, commonly known for having means of communication so complex, that Universiti Kebangsaan, led by Prof.Majid Harun Yahya from Fakulti Kajian Komunikasi was called in to uncode their arbitrary signals and language.

I'm bored.It explains it.

2006-01-01T21:01:00.000+08:00

This Morning On Approach

2005-11-20T23:51:00.000+08:00

On approach back from Singapore this morning.Heard sumone did a missapproach as we were about to land.Thought the clown in front had screwed the approach, much to our humor.
Only when we got closer, we knew why.KLIA was overcasted by cloud at at an awesome 300+ feet.WTF!!!!!!!!!

Neway this pic is high on demand now due to its rarity,appreciated by aviators, of course.Took it at bout 1500ft.That thang jutting out is the KLIA Control Tower, and the cloud gap on the left is the vortex generated by the plane ahead of us.

WTF!!!Very rare indeed.

2005-11-09T00:38:00.000+08:00

Off to work.Renaissance.

2005-11-02T01:47:00.000+08:00

Last Month At A Glance

2005-11-02T00:43:00.000+08:00

The risen sun that shines from the horizon was not the trigger factor.After all watching the sun rise and fall is almost a daily convenience at the comfort of my comfy cockpit :) But there i was, with pride oozing from all corners of my spine, standing tall at Low's Peak, (pun not intended), 13000 ft up.After 2days of relentless self persecution, the highest peak in Southeast Asia is right below my foot.What pure joy,to know for an instance that the beauty that i used to stare in awe from my cockpit is now up close and personal.

Nothing that i set my eyes upon will i not grab with my very hands.I came, I saw, I conquer.

Alexander The Great

The rest of the month is, well, Russian roulette of sort.Immediately after the Climb i was off to work again, with pretty wobbly legs.The first few flights was just pretty cool, meeting up bunch of down-to -earth people, albeit jokers. The greatest joke of all would be how a dude with a considerably respected position ended up putting an embarassing show for all of us to laugh upon.It is explicit to a certain degree that out of professionalism i do not reveal the stunt that he displayed.

Met some people that i guess are aunthentic enuf to haf proper friendship with.Proly shud highlight Fadz as she's one of the funniest girl i've met, to a point that i thought she was on the verge of a psychotic breakdown.Very non-stereo for a malay girl,so i guess its a plus point for herself...Hey FaDz...if ur reading this...cmon...chill k...free publicity on my blog, what....haha.....aftr all out of anonimity, i dont normally mention people by name in my blog.Count urself lucky,girl!!!

What else is worth mentioning...seriously dunno...to many details on web is asking for trouble, so,yea i guess its pretty much it for the month.Next month looks pretty good, too, with some interesting places to fly to.Really look forward to go to Kuching,Sarawak (East Malaysia) for reasons known only to myself,but hell,u never get what you want in life anyway.

And,so be it.With some words of wisdom from a good friend of mine, i end this para.

THAT WHEN I DIE, BURY ME UPSIDE DOWN SO THAT THE WORLD CAN KISS MY SORRY ARSE GOODBYE.

Many many cheers.

2005-10-20T07:40:00.000+08:00

2005-10-20T07:38:00.000+08:00

the guide that will put ur climbing skills to shame..

2005-10-16T18:23:00.000+08:00

2005-10-16T18:21:00.000+08:00

2005-10-16T18:19:00.000+08:00

2005-10-16T17:48:00.000+08:00

12,00ft....oxy deprive..hypoxic setting in...give up??go to hell!!>>>??

2005-10-16T17:45:00.001+08:00

my precciousss one...

2005-10-16T17:45:00.000+08:00

2005-10-16T17:37:00.001+08:00

2005-10-16T17:37:00.000+08:00

proof of purchase...no cam trick here...Hugh Low's Peak,stands at 13,000ft...the Mother of all peaks in Southeast Asia...ehermm..

2005-10-16T17:34:00.002+08:00

2005-10-16T17:34:00.001+08:00

2005-10-16T17:34:00.000+08:00

now this is quite something...;)

2005-10-16T17:33:00.000+08:00

2005-10-16T17:29:00.000+08:00

quite an unexpected crowd...

2005-10-16T17:28:00.001+08:00

2005-10-16T17:28:00.000+08:00

just in time for sunrise...6.07am

2005-10-16T17:27:00.000+08:00

2005-10-16T17:26:00.000+08:00

"Donkey Ear" at 11,000ft.

2005-10-16T17:25:00.000+08:00

Thy path i shall follow....huh??

2005-10-16T17:23:00.000+08:00

buddies from high places....

2005-09-26T17:26:00.000+08:00

and where the heck are my Pratt & Whittney engines????!!>??

2005-09-11T13:12:00.000+08:00

All set...

A few to do..

2005-07-21T21:38:00.000+08:00

Well i really dunno how much i can fit in within this few months, but i've got all my fingers and toes crossed...hopefully will be able to drag myself to Malacca before this month ends..been hit by Adel's messages weekly...it'll be good to see how she and her parents is doing back there...2years now and i hardly feel it.
Am sure she's a no more the shy girl that i use to share the backseat in her dad's car to church every saturday eve...judging from her tone thru the phone...dun think so.And hopefully her newly founded bf wun mind at all..well, who cares.

And next month i suppose wit my best fren of all times, Philip Mak The Third. This guy can be humbly found at http://www.philipmak.blogspot.com .I guess will be looking forward for a third visit to Sinchiapor with him.Well what have we done there so far..lets see...been around the town wit my aunts million dollar wheels..the impromptu trespassing of Siloso..the damn gay visit to the National Zoo...the steamboat chomping by Marina Bay...just dunno wat else this time.Maybe meet up with Henry again.We'll see.But one thing both of us agree, we feel much at home there then here.Why?Well if i list the reason here it may very well land me in jail for some Acts we all know to well.Silence speaks for itself.

And the month following i'm just not overly sure.Cause lookin at my roster it looks almost impossible to get leave.Will just work around the system and fetch myself some proper days off.Just had a convers with Karen and she's keen to get up the Mount Kinabalu too.Try not to keep to optimistic bout it since the first attempt to get up there kinda crashed and burn.It'll be a good getaway i suppose, and it drives me crazy everytime i do borneo runs and fly over the Peak at 30,000ft, yet unable to get there for real.The view of the mountain from my cockpit is just breathtaking..and it drives me so sick to know how deprive i am even tho with all the glamour of the job, am still unable to haf time to admire the beauty nature has to offer..Ya not even the the beauty of a finest stewardess can overdo this one.I mean..seriously la.......

There is still so much on the list...but just wana get practical now.Having to0 much unrealistic goals can eat you raw.To Brunei tomorow.Has been ages since my last approach there.

2005-07-21T15:53:00.000+08:00

Birds of feather.

NOTAM

2005-07-21T15:31:00.000+08:00

Here’s a NOTAM from late this afternoon for Iroquois Falls, Ontario (CNE4):UACN10 CYXU 202005
YZ
UA /OV CNE4 /TM 2005 /FL000 /TP BE10 /RM
FLOCKS OF GULLS ON RUNWAY - HAD TO OVERSHOOT AND TRY AGAIN.
GULLS RELUCTANT TO MOVE AWAY FROM RWY
I can almost hear the King Air pilot’s frustration, but it’s still hard not to laugh.

2005-07-20T20:39:00.000+08:00

Flyer at ease...:) :)

2005-07-20T20:34:00.000+08:00

Flyer at work..

2005-07-20T20:25:00.000+08:00

Goood oll...:)

Mind versus Heart

2005-07-14T15:06:00.000+08:00

Am so at ease today.The usual working days always seems to be an adrenaline rush affair, and today just decided to take it easy.The usual breakfast, and then took Mickey for a walk.Stil that stubborn, that boy.And fat too..Was staring at him when he started to choke on the grass that he had just chewed upon.Hillarious...that provided some cheap entertainment for both of us.

While he was busy hunting for food in the midst of those grass,my mind just wandered off thinking bout the Korean dinner yesterday in Hartamas.Glad it didn't turn out to be disastrous for all of us, but it was just weird to haf noticed how some people are awful in communicating.Not that i'm super in that,but it appeared to me that that bloke could haf easily stirred an argument.But well,some people just don't get it.
That aside, the deja-vu that i had last month willingly invited itself again.Altho this time its not exactly the same issue, well,it worked out to be of the same equation.It's bout what my mind and heart wants,and, to my frustrations,they don't go hand in hand.When i was thrown wit the decision with taking up the Airbus promotion last month,it took me awhile before i went with my Mind and decided to forgo the vacancy.Not a bad decision, i would say,as till this point i hav not regretted that decision.

With this issue cropping up its pretty much the same legend battle between the Mind and Heart.Just hate it when there is an obvious discrepancy in what my heart and my mind tells me.The mind will often work as if it is dealing with algebraic equation,so when A+B is equals to C, then A must be C-B. No two ways about it.The mind works with logic, and it is as good as any electronic calculators, it works out the answer for you provided it is preprogrammed with the knowledge it requires to solve the equation.

But when Mr Heart sets in and tries to haf his share of solvin an equation, it invites the rest of the entire think-tanker to the board.Working well with him is Mr Emotion, which more often than not creates more confusion because, well, Mr Emotion thinks differently almost everyday,if not every hour.It is this emotion that is the most difficult for me to comprehend.Heard it somewhere-"When you begin to understand your emotions,you could've already been dead".A young chap walks into a candy haven and is tried to the cores of his ass- doing what his mind or heart tells him to.Its an EITHER/OR EQUATION, and either one can land that poor boy in juveniles.Its that simple, yet so significant.

Of late..

2005-07-13T23:42:00.000+08:00

Last one was a while.Nothing particularly significant for me to remember, just going thru the motions of my existence.But as i was driving back,something just got to my mind and here i am putting it down.

At times its just sick being nice.It is not exactly something that i do wit great effort,but just consciously.But of late it just didn't work out to be best for me.Being nice at times drives me so sick, that i'm considering taking a turn on the opposite direction.With a knock on my head i can see a slight enlightenment on why some people out there ended up bitter.And cold.

Probably its just not me to end up being a sick prune souring all at sight.But i guess its a good turn to pay good attention to myself.Cause there is so much sin in the world that god send his one and only begotten son to forgive us,that i feel i shud be out there taking care of my ass than everyone else's.

And its a time of reaffirmation for me to fully understand now what matters most.And to move on from the least in priority list to the things that tops the list.It may just need some very conscious effort, but i just need to.

2005-07-08T20:46:00.000+08:00

Trailing along South China Sea..

2005-06-20T13:55:00.000+08:00

Mickey Buoy.

Looking back

2005-06-19T11:43:00.000+08:00

It's a only a matter of days before i get another year to my existence.Like always, its always these moments that i take a ponder to my past.Where i was, am,and next to be.

Life is nothing but getting better.No major regrets up to this moment.Through the very days of my highs and lows,it is to my pleasure to state that i have made it all a learning process, willingly or not.Like a child who is beginning to take gentle steps to life with her wobbly legs, its just something you do and keep doing despite the hated falls.She just don't simply give up walking and decide to crawl forever.

Guess i've been living life pretty much to how i intended it to be.Not that i meant that i was living it to how it is intended to be universally,noe,dats not what i meant.But what i'm getting at is that i'm living this life to at least the correct direction,well, of course not to the exact magnetic bearing, but least i can stand upright and say that there've been no major f-ups so far.Nothing to shout,really, but at least i'm working on a better Chinfoo.Its so habitual now that i constantly knock myself up there right on my skull whenever i F things up.Not a militant perfectionist,but many times i caught me being to hard on myself and i often view that with great displeasure.Probably not many knows that i was once treated for stress.And it used to be a routine clinical visit for me.(now u know).Severe backache,breathing difficulties,migraine,chest pain and the other stress related abnormalities all seem too familiar to me.At least all that is a past.

But just like i said,life is heading to where the sun is rising from ze horizon.I know how the absence of light feels like, and i'm dreaded by it.I've told myself i'm not heading there again,and i'm salvaging those that i love out of that darkness.I can recall how poverty can grab one by his throat and pin him against the wall.Fuck all who said that money is not everything,and i can be the living testimony to shuf that statement down to the very extremes of the stinking drain.The corrected version should instead be that "money is not everything,but many things".And humbly, may i add,if ur cashless, you suck.

Please,please i'm not a terror in making.But let me point out that having cash without the very fundamentals to life eg;compassion, love,friendship is no doubt a leaking pot.You just cant contain it.But having all the love in the world will not save you when in moments of financial trials.Friends?Relatives?Well they all scramble like how an army would in event of gun fire.You repel them like how Ridsect would to nyamuk.Trust me theyre no where to be seen in moments like these.But if you do have someone who sits by you in these trying moments, be assured that he/she is a friend to have.

Reinhold Neibuhr has a famous prayer on things you just cant change in life.And thats when you need to have the serenity to accept it.And i'm living to this when it comes to my dad.All there is left now is the acceptance to the fact that he will no longer be the dad i use to have.I've learn so much from him during those days when he was alrite,and hell,that has been taken away.He no longer what he was,full of wisdom,and constantly suppportive.Well...at least he's still around.At times when he wants to complain about his condition but just cant as he slurrs quite badly,i just told him,-"Yes,I know." I really do.

And there are things to look forward to.It will be these things that will continue to keep me on the go, regardless to how bumpy the ride would be.Dream the biggest dreams.At least when you dream big, you may end up getting something small.Dream small?You may end up with some loose change.So this would be how i would be living my life for the years to come.Now i'm cleared for take off.

2005-06-18T21:49:00.000+08:00

At work.33000 feet.

2005-06-12T23:58:00.000+08:00

Bliss..

2005-06-01T16:57:00.000+08:00

Lunchee...

Love @ Lust

2005-06-01T16:51:00.000+08:00

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Love is patient,love is kind.It does not envy,it does not boast,it is not proud.It is not rude,it is not self-seeking.It is not easily angered,it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.It always protects, always trusts,always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

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Honestly, it has been a long while since the last moment i flicked open the Bible.It was rather ironic since i was once so engrossed in reading the Book, looking for guidance to torch the path,in hope to BE a human being.But those moments is unlikely nowadays.Perhaps its because the false sense of security that i'm feeling.You know,the independence that often lead to spiritual destruction.Uhuh,thats exactly where i'm heading.Southbound.

That part of Corinthians was once quoted by someone dear to me.Infact, it often appears to me that it was the utmost profound way to describe love.Having said that, i cant deny that love and God is often the element that i consider the most absurd in my life.These two is often the most confusing,perplexing,tedious and brain draining to deal with.What is love,how do you know its love?What if its just lust in disguise of the love ur so into?We all know that its one fine line.Some don't care,others didn't even know such question exist.

Remembered speaking to a Captain about this highly-inapropriate issue in the cockpit (okay this is a non-standard practice,cm'on pilot ar human too??!!).So what did he tell me bout love?
Its a COMMITMENT.According to him,you don't love someone until you're in for a commitment.Sounds quite heavy,actually.But agreeable nevertheless.But if you run a quick screen on relationships out there,you'll be wondering how many are actually NOT IN LOVE?Arguable.....

So hypothetically speaking, if you're not in love,you're in lust then?Well we shud start telling our partners,-Honey,I LUST You SOOO Much!!!....And define lust please...its an overwhelming desire or craving.Rather,its an intense eagerness or enthusiasm.Pleasure,relish.See how familliar it sounds?Shifting a hypothetical point of view to a practical one, it goes beyond saying that you have to fall into lust before you fall in love?You crave and then you commit.Now at least this is going somewhere.

Well at least this time blogging my thoughts actually shed some light on my confusion.But even having said all that, i have to humbly say that i know just nuts about love and God.They're two but one.Where there is God,there is love.Thats what they say.

My Prayer

2005-05-28T13:00:00.000+08:00

"Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
& the wisdom to segregate the two.................."

-----Reinhold Neibuhr-----

Gray Matter

2005-05-27T22:34:00.000+08:00

gray1 also grey ( P ) Pronunciation Key (gr)adj. gray·er, also grey·er gray·est, grey·est
Of or relating to an achromatic color of any lightness between the extremes of black and white.
1) Dull or dark: a gray, rainy afternoon.
2) Lacking in cheer; gloomy: a gray mood.
3) Having gray hair; hoary.
4) Old or venerable.
Intermediate in character or position, as with regard to a subjective matter: the gray area between their differing opinions on the film's morality.
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Thought it'll be a good idea to take a wee wee before i buckle up for landing.Handed over controls to the Captain, and left the cockpit for the lavatory in the Business Class.Was at ease, and let the nature take its course.Took a quick glance at the mirror,you know,just in case.All looks okay,safe to be in the sight of passengers again.Hey.Bloody hell.What was that glitter on my head??

Just in case some of you guys out there is contemplating to call me a wuss,having gray hair was never the greatest fear in my life.But this time round it kinda bothers me.I related the discovery with such peculiarity,as tho it was a growth with possible death consequence.Why?Exactly....Y now?

Neway,was just bothered by the fact that people often relate having grey hair with stresses in life.So, i was caught with the motion of having to ask myself either i've been to hard on myself.At least people close to me seem to think so.Remembered was once called "A young man with an old soul".Well that kinda answers it.

Somethings just don't change.If you're a thinker,you probably will be for the rest of your life.Or the next.If you live a carefree life,well,good on you,you probably will stay that way.Some call it genetic,some say upbringing.But its if given a choice, i would rather think less.If you know what happen to people like Aristotle,Plato or Socrates, you would probably agree wit me.But like i said, somethings just don't change.

Of late, i realise that i have become so much of a perfectionist,that the stresses that come with it is chewing me.So burdensome it is that i yearn for the best in all areas of my life,that i'm thrusting undue stress right down on my chest.So sure that there is something that needs to be done before the high flyer in me crashes and burn.But it leads to the fact that most of the time you just don't become another person.Cause you are just you.And to change it is not impossible,but like driving against the flow of traffic, requires lots of effort and perseverence.

Don't think i'm heading anywhere close to changing myself, but it'll be quite an idea to take a walk in the park.And smell the roses,they say.I'll try.So help me father.

2005-05-27T21:50:00.000+08:00

Me @ Dad

Decisions..

2005-05-19T07:55:00.000+08:00

Made a decision within three days that could affect my career for good.Decided not to take up the vacancy as the Airbus 330 co-pilot and wait for the Boeing 777 or 747 post to open up.So freaking difficult this time round cause just have to make up my mind with info thrown to me in the span of a short three days.Talk about mental fatique.

Was so tempted to leave my current Boeing 737 fleet for the luxurious Airbus.When come to luxury,French has it all.Americans?Not close.But heck sometimes decisions has to be made base on best prevailing information.Would be good to speak to people but ultimately it's all very personal.No one has the best for you but yourself.Suppose its all bout evaluating the facts and tailor-made them for yourself.

Probably the best part bout making decision is that it can't go that wrong or right.Always two sides to things and all there is, is to make the best out of the decision made.The common "half full @half empty" saying falls right into place.And then there is the growing up part.Making decision makes you grow,see things at various angles, and understand yourself much better.Well at least it stands very true for me.It forces you to think what exactly you want in your life, a question which most of us hate to answer.Too tedious to tackle such question.Better to just live life and go when its time.

So glad i made up my mind.Right or wrong i'm always here to stand corrected.Phewww......

Friday The 13

2005-05-14T14:45:00.000+08:00

Recalled reading something about this infamous day just few days back.Thing t'was sumtin to do with a black guy bruttaly murdered somewhere in US.This racial tragedy was remembered to this day as a day of gruesome notoriety,an inhuman act that worth a moment to ponder and the subsequent taboo was leading to this day being known as a very unlucky day.

People who genuinely know me will agree that i don't give a S***T to such baseless believes.But just for the sake of laughter,i actually had a fairshare of todays "celebration".

Got up early today for a recurrent training in Simulator Building in Mas HQ,Subang.Its the ritual that all pilots around the globe go through.BASE CHECK, as we call it, is what all flyers undergo once every 6months.In short, they (the authorised examiner pilots-AE) chuck you in the simulator and give you a whole lot of entertaininig scenarious.Windshears...thunderstorms....gusting crosswinds.....engine on fire...rapid decompressions...you name it la bro....they got it all.These simulators cost airliners a fortune and they're not asbout ready to put it to waste.

Neway as for today its not the simulator ride.That will be the day after tomorrow.It'll just be the CBT session,basically a Computer Based Training where they gear you up and polish your aircraft systems knowledge before they torture you in the torturing chamber (the simulator).Well the session got through quite expectedly,albeit i wasn't entirely up to it.Had barely 3hours sleep the last nite.Mind over matter.

So what the heck was i bitching about Friday the 13???Well, it has got to do with my car.CBT over,headed to the usually-packed-and- inadequate parking lot.The usual thing that people do when they park there was basically shuf your car to any empty lot that you can find,as long its not gona grieve someone else leaving the lot.Which was exactly what i did in the morning when i got there.

And here i was, walking to my car and discovered this bulky piece of crap locking my wheels.And being a "pilot-person", i was entirely calm.Even crafted a cute smile on my face.Thats life i suppose.S**T happens.Went to the guard house and spoke to the guy in charge of the sinful act.Had sum small talk not worth mentioning here,and was told to wait by my car.And one encik came and save the day...with 30 bucks jacked of my wallet,of course.Didnt even tried negotiating some cheap deal.Just paid the fine and drove of.Told my self-for all and all,THIS IS NOT A FRIDAY THE 13 THINGY!!!!Just to reaffirm my believes system,you know,just incase.And was convince.

That was it.Nothing major,really.Once again stand in triumph and with all glory.Yea...BS, i know.Neway...gota gear up for the simulator sessions.Bring it on man.

2005-05-13T23:50:00.000+08:00

My Office

2005-05-12T00:00:00.000+08:00

What a ride..

In My Life

2005-04-24T18:30:00.000+08:00

There are places
I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life
I’ve loved them all
But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
Though I know
I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before I know
I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life
I love you more
In my life
I love you more

Sir J.Lennon & P.McCartney

This two days

2005-04-24T09:35:00.000+08:00

Like this one.Picked up Jazz In The City from the records.This time for a change, afterall its good music.Music like these should be good for the soul, especially at times like this, i think. Not that i'm terribly down, but just needed something soothing.So, had trial runs with some different albums i thought i may like.Not much really.The salesperson is giving me some weird stare,and i had a good feeling she's gonna be really agitated if i don't start buying something after trying out four different pieces.And i did.

This two(2) days off is reserve unintentionally for myself.People that i wish to see are pretty much away.And SHE....don't even wana think bout it.Was dissapointed and made a point to stop seeing her that much anymore.Of course, nicely put.No argument whatsoever.After all what is there to talk about.Giving myself too much to hope for and senses are begining to creep thru.Okla....get over it!!!!!

So yup....first day was started early.Didn't know why but woke up early.This body is going cuckoo.Being in the airline did more harm to the body than good.Body clock is on random now,and occasionally just shaken from bed for no apparent reason.And worst still,i've not had enuf sleep yet??!!
As usual went for a bite with momma.Followed me to the bank, got my CDS and trading account done.And head to Jusco.Main priority was to pick up DaVinci's Code from MPH.And FRUIT!!!!!!!!!!Out of stock.Damn...thought by now everyone could have read it but me.But hell....its out.Instantly rang up Ah Mei...and thanks Vishnu.....she has it.Awesome.Better grab it from her before she leaves for Hong Kong at three.
On the way to Ah Mei's dropped by at NASOM.Place some cash there and vow to the staff that i'll be back with some goodies that they need.Like Milo and all that...and she's please.Now less guilty.Had always wanted to give back to the community that shaped me.She gave me a brief detail on what Autisme is all about.That these patients had difficulties and had to be guided.The most fascinating off all-they see what they want to see.And hear what they choose to hear.And it leads to erratic behaviour...I will be back i promise.
And finally got to Mei's place...as usual with her warm smile clearly visible from a distant...but that was not where my attention was at.It was the book she held on to.Dan Brown's master piece,Da Vinci's Code.
Neway.....that night was too tired for Brown's.....ended up reading it at 3am.Call its halt at 5am.

And today....the highlight would be the property fair in Sheraton Subang.Was eyeing on this Malacca condo for investment.The plan sounds ideal...since it will be fully managed by the developer.Need not scramble looking for tenant.Guaranteed return 8% for 5years.Spoke to the guy and discovered some hidden cost for the furnishing.Worked out the maths and need to fork out considerable amount of bucks.Probably towards the end of the year when they launch the second phase.At least its more comfortable then to generate cash flow."Not something to rush into",audibly repeated to myself in the head.A good property,nevertheless....will put this one on KIV status.
On my drive back worked out the figures again.Guess it can be done but it'll put me on shoe-string budget.And altho leverage is good,not this much.Or at least not now.Needed some contingencies...just in case if the quake epicentre is just around Port Klang,i'll still be able to salvage my family financially.
Decided to see my X before heading home.Just checkin she's doing alrite.And she's okay as expected.Whatever life throws at her she seems pretty strong.Yea she does the normal girly thing like weep and yak and complaint bout life.But final result-untoppled.Good to see her coping.

Showered and resorted to THIS....Blogging.Something i don't do often as i do not have the luxury of time.But it can be therapeutic at times.Like Phil suggested..."at least when you die,people knows what you have to say".Make sense.He has he's way of putting senses to things.That could be why we blend so well.Enjoyed conversations with this guy.."substance conversation" we call it. :)

Soe....thats it ler i think.Like i mention bout my body going cuckoo.Have this weird sleepiness during off days.Need to lie down and continue consuming the material written by a good friend of mind,Dan Brown.And proly towards the night to read up on aviation materials since base check is next month.
Thats my life.In short two(2) days.

2005-04-23T18:51:00.000+08:00

aviation and Brown's material?dun think they go along..

2005-04-23T18:50:00.000+08:00

for a change.......

2005-04-20T22:09:00.000+08:00

touchdown in changi.

I PICKED IT UP THERE

2005-04-19T13:07:00.000+08:00

Okay this is what i do.Get people airboned and SAFELY hit the touchdown zone.Its either a gentle impact or greasel it down.Do it almost every week,and get paid for it.Besides given a chance to have and intimate relationship with these highly sophisticated machines (unlike women,i treat it professionally), i discovered myriads of practical solutions to our daily life's woes right there in the cockpit.Allow me.........

People notice you.One way or the other,people notice the way you carry yourselve.And this has direct implications on how things can easily be done when others see the confidence in you.They are more unlikely to hit on you when they see the confidence oozing from you and therefore, you can carry your duty with minimal distractions.When you are shaken, people notice.And bad news-they tend to add to your pressure by scrutinizing into the very detail of your actions. End result-errors AMPILIFIED.And confidence-DOWNHILL.

SOLUTION

-when facing difficulties,deep breath please.Keeping cool will keep external pressures away. When you start fumbling thats when people tend to have a share in your problem.Either you know your stuffs or you don't-its secondary.Or in other words, act cool.Of course they're times when you just need to humble yourself and start looking for help.But they're also times when you need to sort things out on your own and the last thing you need is someone poking on you.Thats when keeping cool is of prime importance. Body actions would probably be the most important area to pay attention to.Afterall,people don't read mind.They judge you by your gestures and actions.Keep unneccesary motions like scratching head,unfocus vision,uncontrolled parameters check (like when you keep looking around to check anyone noticed you've just farted) away.Cause these body language attracts attentions when you least need em. So when in trouble,sit back,have a blank look as though you are wearing an Afghan veil and start thinking.People can hardly notice you're in trouble and hence, your boss or superior don't start coming and screwing your a@@hole and give you grieve.

2005-04-18T11:40:00.000+08:00

37,000feet.........

2005-04-17T20:35:00.000+08:00

Routines tht i do.

A Reminder.

2005-04-11T19:08:00.000+08:00

This is to serve as a reminder.That whatever life throws at you,remember that you're alive.That things may get worse.That what troubles you now may not matter in months to come.Or weeks..or days...

But thats the thing with us..never content..never satisfied...we can work our sorry ass out to get one thing,and the very next moment when we finally hit the bull's eye,all is but forgotten.The hardships,perseverance and patients that filled us is so easily erased from memory that we forget how lucky we are.

Think its only wise for us to remind ourselves what matters the most in life.The tangible ones.The ones that you would wish you've thought about when you're lying down there, bedridden and awaiting the glory to shine upon you from across the otherside of the tunnel.

Couldn't agree more that it just requires lots of effort to segregate the things that we think important than with those that truly are.We get up everyday living our lifes getting worried over what others may think of us,over our paychecks,things to pay up,people to live with,corporate ladders to climb,traffic to beat,food to eat,wardrobe to put on,......you know this list will just never take its halt.There is just to much, and if you don't start jamming on the brakes and start thinking with at least some minimal form of intelligence, all of us is heading somewhere as surely as death and taxes-complete breakdown.

So all this leads to the question we all know too well-why do we live?yes i know,make bucks and you build your wealth..then get married...lay eggs and blast your holy seeds..err..i meant make babies..than we die.If this cycle is so certain, then why bother living?Of course in life they are definitely the fundamentals-eg;love,friendship,grace,forgiveness....you know...those values that were once thought to us in Pendidkan Moral.But, do allow me with all humbleness-why bother when you're shithouse sure that you're dying anyway?And well,true that even when we no longer exist, the path that we walk are leaving the trail to people that we love.That they can have the fondness memory of us and pick up the pieces we leave behind and have at least a better life than us.

But having said all that,arent this people dying too?And hell yes,this meaningless cycle continues.

I may not have lived long enough to educate.But well lets call this sharing.Start looking for a purpose for your existence.May not have
much to convince,but living on a non-directional life is not living at all.But then again,we're all dying.Either you start looking for a
purpose or tell yourself you don't need to.Then we can all get drunk.